me, fast?!? more like die. die die dying

11.08am : i.am.hungry.very. very. hungry.

i'm attempting to fast. should 'bold' attempt.
churches nationwide are on a 'light up the nation' 40days fast. yeah, 40 days. possible ke? apparently so. this is not the first year but it is MY first year attempting it (again). i always failed. fail teruk gila. i can never diet. i can never say no to nibbling/munching/shacking oopps i mean snacking. and i'm attempting to fast now. wth?!?!

i keep telling myself, "what's so hard lar? everyone's doing it. think of sharon. think of him, think of her. they are all on it too. surely you can too?" the power of the mind. mind, mind, mind. think of star wars zone and focus.
but i think i'm seeing stars. i feel zapped of all energy rather than motivated -.-
i wanna sleep everyday, every minute.

and yeah, come on, the food's not going to run away. starbucks and coffee bean are not folding yet. it's already mid august. just till august 31st. but arghhhhhh I AM HUNGRY. i miss chewing. i miss swallowing and i'm getting sick of milo. i might just forever be turned off milo after this. yes, i'm not on a full fast yet. will do so the final week (meaning, fasting all 3 meals) but i might die. if i live to write, then you'll see me around.

motivation? malaysia. malaysia. malaysia. we need it. the nation needs a change. so fast man, fast. am i that patriotic? *purses lips and think* hmmm well I do want my future children and the generations to come to have a live-able country and not the circus and doom and gloom we see now. but ultimately, i do it because i have a conviction and i believe.
it is better to believe in something than nothing at all. conviction keeps your heart alive.

and i'm really not going to die despite what my body and brain keep telling me. girls diet all the time. i don't see dying girls around, emaciated and corpse-like maybe, but not dead. must be me. so go away M&Ms, go away ramadhan food. crabs. yee mee, pan mee. go away everything. far far away. out of sight, out of mind.

s i g h . who am i kidding?

haha. humour me. perhaps i could live on that.

ps: oopps, 7th month, better stop with the 'd' word.