tell me my future.....

i'm tired. not sure whether i'm tired today or just tired of going out. BUT, some lady was telling me i need to go out more [ -.- ] you mean, i don't already? oh wow.

anyway, the other day, a friend and i went to see a clairvoyant (i know. me?!?). but yes, we were having lunch and talking about life, bla bla bla and she was like, there's this lady, well known for her clairvoyance and she wanted to go. so i went because i've never met a non-chinese clairvoyant and i wanted to see what she has to say. while i may not believe in such ... 'people', i'm always open to what other people see, expect and accept. interesting really.

chinese fortune-tellers, i've seen plenty. not personally see-for-a-reading kind of see, but, see around. it's unavoidable in my family but non-chinese ones, never before so i was pleasantly surprised to see quite an attractive looking lady greeting us.

my dear friend asked what she wanted and the clairvoyant answered. she wasn't spooky and all 'up there'. in fact, her answers were pretty general, logical answers. she didn't predict things we could never confirm or give dire warnings. there were no scarves, crystal balls and black cats. oh, maybe she said one or two questionably funny things but generally, i found her a nice lady, giving out nice answers to the questions that plague us all. and the heart-warming thing is, she herself, have the same problems as we all.

but it got me thinking. we all want answers to things we can't control and things we don't understand. we wish for manuals that will guide us step-by-step; like 'how to get over someone without going through the pain', 'how to land THE personally-satisfying-money-making job', 'how to look good without spending a fortune' etc etc.

we want to be able to see what will happen if we make certain choices. we want to know. we want to be ABLE to control our own lives and the future. we want things the way we want them to be. we want this, yet we want that. we contradict ourselves. we question ourselves. we judge.

it's tiring just thinking about all the things we want.

what's the balance in all this? let's say, we do receive a manual directing us in everything; what to do next, where to go, whom to see, what to decide, when to eat, when to leave .... do we really want to live like robots? well if we don't, then we end up asking, questioning, worrying, wondering. back to square one.

do we know what we want?

ironic isn't it?