a million shades of grey, i do not want

last night i was wondering, can things ever just be black or white?

i read once that there is no such thing as just black and white; there are a million shades of grey in between. wow. a MILLION shades of grey? how very ... uncertain things must be then.

then i asked myself, am i a black and white kinda person? i know that i 'should be' -yes means yes, no means no. what's right is right. what's wrong is wrong. there shouldn't be any in betweens.

can i live my life where a lie is a lie? no white lies. no 'cover up' lies. where ... debauchery and frivolity is that and not some other glammed up version of it. where there's no justification or attempts to delude myself when i'm walking the fine line and sometimes crossing over?

in a world so fickle and glamorous, can we really live in such a cut and dry ideal? in my world where glamour and glitz is what i see everyday, try as i may, i find this concept difficult to grasp. for a minute, i can imagine living such a clearly defined life, yet on the other hand, it seems ... rigid? self righteous? unrealistic? naive even??

and then i think about the book.

you know, life would be so simple and easy if i just live according to it. whatever it says, just follow. that would make life a breeze. i won't have to wonder and worry at all.[but hey, doesn't that make me a robot. why have a brain and heart then??]

anyway. so, why this dilemma? ah .... you know what?

the problem is not the world.
the problem is not the people around.
the problem is also not our so called circumstances.

it's whether we want to or not.