mary or martha

i've always been a martha. i wish i was a mary.

in general terms, i'm task-oriented. very very.

in fact, i think i'm super martha. give me a job, a task, and i'll get them all done. i can organize anything. i plan. i delegate. i sort things out. that's me. i'll study. i'll read up on something. i'll make sure everything is done. i even think ahead to make things easier.

my brain won't stop thinking about a matter until it's completed. of course, my former employers love that about me. they know that i'll make sure whatever they want done will be, in the shortest time possible.

even at home, i'm like that. my brother and sister, they're the total opposite.

like now. despite my concern and love for my parents, i'm restless until i get everything done. my sister can sit with my parents for hours, doing nothing, without a care. i wish i could. but i can't. i will sit and stay, for a maximum of maybe 5-6 hours. and even during then, my brain will be planning what to do when i get home. the thousand and one things to do. what mum and dad will need. what i can get for them. how to make things more convenient. when. what. how. where. even my tomorrows are mapped out.

i really sometimes wish i can be mary. more like my sister. i wish i can leave things be and just .... sit. i mean, the mountain of clothes will still be here tomorrow. the dishes aren't going to rot if left in the sink. things don't have to be clean and shiny do they? i try. really tried to leave things as they are. tried to just not be so ... meticulous. so orderly. so .... whatever.

even at His feet. i stay, but only up to a point because i'll start feeling restless. i'll start planning. i'll start thinking.

yes yes i know. we need both types of people in the world. we can't all be like my sister. we can't all be like me. but sometimes ... i wish i'm not so conscientious.

can we change who we are by nature?

should we?