goodbye already

as much as i'd like to, i can't hold back time.

as much as i'd like to, i can't peek ahead either.

time move on. people change. after the whirl of events and choices, wrong turns and right steps, what remain is just a flicker of dust; perchance a memory, perhaps a touch of nostalgia.

maybe it's december.

maybe it's just the emotional me.

but as we stand on the brink of the old and the new, as millions do, i can't help but reminisce.

last year today, i was on the plane to UK. this year today, my desk is littered with articles to be proofread and rushed off for print tomorrow. i'm at work and elbow-deep in it.

how much can a year change? how different can we be?

very much indeed by the look of things.

am i wiser? am i stronger? did i move ahead? or have i fallen behind?

have i learned from my mistakes or am i stubbornly refusing to budge from what i know is wrong?

am i closer to You or have i, in the search for what's right and wrong, side stepped the boundaries and crossed over?

we like to think that maturity comes with age. we like to think that time makes us wiser.

are we being delusional or are we just subconsciously refusing to remove those rose-colour-tinted-glasses?

because as i look back and as i look ahead, i don't see how a difference in number makes the road clearer.

murky, foggy and daunting, the road ahead still seem to be.

i may soar. i may trip and i may fall.

moments of euphoria - pure, unadulterated glimpses of joy and delight.
moments of pain - scraped and bruised from the attacks of that thing called life.

tears wept.
fears conquered.
moments celebrated.

i see it all.

and so i'll say, ok. 2008, i love you. but goodbye for now.