seriously

in the past few days,

i coloured my hair.
i slept most of my weekend away (first in an entire month)!!!
i made up my mind. or, i hope so.

at times i wonder, who does He want us to be? what does He want from us? what's all this about?

i used to have such quick answers. quick. cut and dry answers.
fulfill your purposes. serve. minister. work. give and etc.

true, they're right of course but are they all?

i think that i've come to see that really, He's not that cut and dry. if He were so, our faith would be quite a sad thing indeed. surely there's more. surely there has to be a wider expanse. a deeper experience. something beyond. something we don't know. to know it all would defy the need for an ongoing relationship.

if we could really sum it all up, wouldn't that make Omnipotent and Omniscient not so 'Omni'?

there'll never be a "that's it. i'll just live like this FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE" conclusion. it shouldn't be because,

there's always something more.

there's always something just beyond our grasp, tantalizing; just there.
we see it. we try to reach it and that's how we keep going on for more.