you know what the most painful thing in the world is?
it is watching someone you love go through pain, yet not be able to do anything about it.
it is watching someone you love confused and lost, yet not be able to relieve them of it.
it is knowing that you are not able to give the person you love everything they want.
it is knowing the pain that is coming, yet not be able to prevent it.
it is waiting.
it is letting go.
parents. children. lovers. friends.
that sort of pain is unbearable. that sort of pain shouldn't be.
for me, i much rather just take the pain upon myself.
if i could, i would take on the pain. the discomfort. the unease. the worries.
it doesn't matter if i can't.
i so rather do that than watch the one i love go through it.
November 29, 2008
November 27, 2008
song
God Help the Outcast, from The Hunchback of Notre Dame
* one of my fave songs
I don't know if you can hear me, or if you're even there.
I don't know if you will listen to a humble prayer.
They tell me I am just an outcast, I shouldn't speak to you...
Still I see your face, and wonder, were you once an outcast too?
God help the outcasts, hungry from birth.
Show them the mercy they don't find on Earth.
The lost and forgotten, they look to you still.
God help the outcasts, or nobody will.
I ask for nothing, I can get by.
But I know so many less lucky than I.
God help the outcasts, the poor and downtrod.
I thought we all were the children of God.
I don't know if there's a reason;
why some are blessed, some not.
God help the outcasts, the tattered, the torn.
Seeking an answer to why they were born.
Winds of misfortune have blown them about.
You made the outcasts, don't cast them out.
The poor and unlucky, the weak and the odd.
I thought we all were the children of God.
* one of my fave songs
I don't know if you can hear me, or if you're even there.
I don't know if you will listen to a humble prayer.
They tell me I am just an outcast, I shouldn't speak to you...
Still I see your face, and wonder, were you once an outcast too?
God help the outcasts, hungry from birth.
Show them the mercy they don't find on Earth.
The lost and forgotten, they look to you still.
God help the outcasts, or nobody will.
I ask for nothing, I can get by.
But I know so many less lucky than I.
God help the outcasts, the poor and downtrod.
I thought we all were the children of God.
I don't know if there's a reason;
why some are blessed, some not.
God help the outcasts, the tattered, the torn.
Seeking an answer to why they were born.
Winds of misfortune have blown them about.
You made the outcasts, don't cast them out.
The poor and unlucky, the weak and the odd.
I thought we all were the children of God.
let me cry
weep for you
if only i could, i would.
people don't want to cry. i know.
in the entire year, i have not wept. cried, yes. over movies. music. books. or people. but really, i long to weep.
there's just something very cleansing about tears. no no, i'm not mad. try to understand from my point of view.
there's a reason why they say 'an outpouring of tears'. there's such a release when one weeps. man or woman, tears are not a sign of weakness. as Irving wisely put it, “There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love.”
of course, i DON'T WANT anything bad to happen but i feel stuck. blocked. stuffed up.
He wept.
jeremiah lamented.
hannah felt deep sorrow.
daniel cried out.
david grieved.
weep for you
if only i could, i would.
if only i could, i would.
people don't want to cry. i know.
in the entire year, i have not wept. cried, yes. over movies. music. books. or people. but really, i long to weep.
there's just something very cleansing about tears. no no, i'm not mad. try to understand from my point of view.
there's a reason why they say 'an outpouring of tears'. there's such a release when one weeps. man or woman, tears are not a sign of weakness. as Irving wisely put it, “There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love.”
of course, i DON'T WANT anything bad to happen but i feel stuck. blocked. stuffed up.
He wept.
jeremiah lamented.
hannah felt deep sorrow.
daniel cried out.
david grieved.
weep for you
if only i could, i would.
November 25, 2008
on drawing blood
i took the day off, not for fun [i wish i did though], but to take dad and mum for their health check up and blood tests. i know. odd that i actually have to take the day off to do it. BUT. dad is a stubborn man. very stubborn. he declares that he doesn't believe in 'western medicine' and thus, even when sick, rarely goes to the doc. so anyway, he has been having certain symptoms lately and having put if off a month, i knew i had to, as my sis puts it, literally drag my dad to the clinic. yes yes, i'm an agressive girl. anyway, since i can't very well tie dad up and put him in the car, i blackmailed him, well sort of.
i told him i was going to take the day off and not go to work. IF he doesn't go to the clinic with me, then i would have taken the day off for nothing and that wouldn't go well with him. my dad, being a very firm believer of reponsibility, integrity and etc, wouldn't let me 'not go to work' for nothing.
so we went to the lab.
i listened [dad HAD to pick an early appointment] half asleep as the consultant explained the various 'packages'. i thought to myself, how ironic. i mean, we're not here to shop! obviously we're only at a blood-test lab due to unwanted circumstances and there she was, going on and on about package A, B or C; the difference being the amount of tests, the types of scans and stuff. half asleep, i let dad picked whichever, as long as it included a blood test. we settled for a full blood test with everything - X-Ray, scan this and that ....
watching the girl draw blood, literally, jolted me awake and i thanked god i didn't have to do it. crazy me. but i don't think i'd enjoy having my blood sucked out like that.
in the doctor's room, i practically interrogated the doctor, asking this and that. causes. symptoms. effects. results. why. so? how. then? haha. good thing the doctor was a very kind man.
results out on friday .....
i told him i was going to take the day off and not go to work. IF he doesn't go to the clinic with me, then i would have taken the day off for nothing and that wouldn't go well with him. my dad, being a very firm believer of reponsibility, integrity and etc, wouldn't let me 'not go to work' for nothing.
so we went to the lab.
i listened [dad HAD to pick an early appointment] half asleep as the consultant explained the various 'packages'. i thought to myself, how ironic. i mean, we're not here to shop! obviously we're only at a blood-test lab due to unwanted circumstances and there she was, going on and on about package A, B or C; the difference being the amount of tests, the types of scans and stuff. half asleep, i let dad picked whichever, as long as it included a blood test. we settled for a full blood test with everything - X-Ray, scan this and that ....
watching the girl draw blood, literally, jolted me awake and i thanked god i didn't have to do it. crazy me. but i don't think i'd enjoy having my blood sucked out like that.
in the doctor's room, i practically interrogated the doctor, asking this and that. causes. symptoms. effects. results. why. so? how. then? haha. good thing the doctor was a very kind man.
results out on friday .....
November 24, 2008
seriously
in the past few days,
i coloured my hair.
i slept most of my weekend away (first in an entire month)!!!
i made up my mind. or, i hope so.
at times i wonder, who does He want us to be? what does He want from us? what's all this about?
i used to have such quick answers. quick. cut and dry answers.
fulfill your purposes. serve. minister. work. give and etc.
true, they're right of course but are they all?
i think that i've come to see that really, He's not that cut and dry. if He were so, our faith would be quite a sad thing indeed. surely there's more. surely there has to be a wider expanse. a deeper experience. something beyond. something we don't know. to know it all would defy the need for an ongoing relationship.
if we could really sum it all up, wouldn't that make Omnipotent and Omniscient not so 'Omni'?
there'll never be a "that's it. i'll just live like this FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE" conclusion. it shouldn't be because,
there's always something more.
there's always something just beyond our grasp, tantalizing; just there.
we see it. we try to reach it and that's how we keep going on for more.
i coloured my hair.
i slept most of my weekend away (first in an entire month)!!!
i made up my mind. or, i hope so.
at times i wonder, who does He want us to be? what does He want from us? what's all this about?
i used to have such quick answers. quick. cut and dry answers.
fulfill your purposes. serve. minister. work. give and etc.
true, they're right of course but are they all?
i think that i've come to see that really, He's not that cut and dry. if He were so, our faith would be quite a sad thing indeed. surely there's more. surely there has to be a wider expanse. a deeper experience. something beyond. something we don't know. to know it all would defy the need for an ongoing relationship.
if we could really sum it all up, wouldn't that make Omnipotent and Omniscient not so 'Omni'?
there'll never be a "that's it. i'll just live like this FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE" conclusion. it shouldn't be because,
there's always something more.
there's always something just beyond our grasp, tantalizing; just there.
we see it. we try to reach it and that's how we keep going on for more.
November 21, 2008
while i'm at it
since i have a window of 3-uninterrupted-minutes, will attempt this.
1) Real name : Grace Lai
2) Nicknames : gracie
3) Married : not yet
4) Zodiac sign : the one which stings
5) Gender : female
6) Age : 25
7) High School : pess
8) College : a few
9) Height : 5'3
10) Weight : no idea. don't want to know. haha
11) Do you like yourself : very well, yes
12) Piercings : yes
13) Right or left : left
14) Are you a freak : nope
15) Hair : black
16) Skin : tan
17) Allergic : to nonsense, ridiculous-ness and hypocrites
18) What are you doing now : thinking of food and work
19) What will you do 1 hour later : read
20) What will you do 10 years later : fly
The Family
21) Live with mother/ father/ parents : all
22) Siblings (including you) : 3
23) Eldest : me
24) Youngest : sis
25) Love/ hate your family : love hate. haha but usually love wins
The Love
26) Found your other half : he's still somewhere out there. haha. no
27) If yes who is she/ he : tell me
28) If no who do you want him/ her to be : someone amazing
29) Time(s) you been in a relationship : 1
30) Ever woo boy/ girl : no
31) Anyone woo you before : er, yea?
32) Did anything wrong to your other half : all the time. haha. no, not really all
33) What was/ were the wrong that you had done : wink
34) Ever argue with your other half : countless times
35) You with your other half since : school
36) Are you straight/ lesbo : very straight
37) Reasons you love your other half : tell you when i find him
38) You and your other half in which stage : no stage yet
39) You woo she/ he or he/ she woo you : i'm getting lazy with this
40) ever think of marry she/ he : pls get the english right. haha
The Friends
41) Your first best friend : joanne tan
42) Your first enemy : forgot
43) The friend you love the most : i love them all
44) The enemy you hate the most : a waste of my time
45) Your most beautiful girl friend : can't think now
46) Your most handsome boy friend : also can't think now
47) The kind of girl you hate the most : hypocrites, schemers, manipulative ppl
48) The kind of boy you hate the most : shallow guys
49) You fall in love with your close friend before : nope
50) Your best friend is your ex-lover : let me think .... hahaha
51) If your friend backstabbing you : wouldn't be my friend then
52) If your friend betray you : i don't control other ppl's choices
53) If your friend love your lover : choice. choice. choice
54) If your friend fall in love with you : do i love him?
55) If you fall in love with your best friend : i don't think i will
The Studies
56) Are you a good student : studious yes
57) You always done your homework/ assignments : always
58) The teacher/ tutor love you most : any maths teacher
59) Always late to school/ college : nope
60) Your class : what about it
61) You love your seniors : yeah
62) Senior who love you the most : no such thing
63) Your classmates good/ bad : there's a balance
64) Excellent result classmates : hello. i'm 25 already
65) Laziest classmate :
The People
66) Smart people : with vision
67) Stupid people : without vision
68) Good looking people : ppl with pure hearts
69) Ugly people : manipulative ones
70) Funny people : funny
71) Cute people : children
72) Bad people : ... hmmmm.... look in the papers i guess
73) Honest people : love them
74) Acting people : acting??? you mean, pretending
75) What kind of person are you : tell me
76) Lips or eyes : both
77) Hugs or kisses : both
78) Shorter or taller : taller
79) Hesitant or spontaneous : spontaneous
80) Nice stomach or nice arms : doesn't matter
81) Listener or talker : both at the right time
82) Romantic or rich : romance romance
83) Good Husband or good father : both
The Future
84) Age to get married : you tell me
85) Number of kids : any depending on capability
86) Career : loving it
87) Salary : so so
88) Retirement age : when i die
89) Properties value : doesn't bother me
90) Wishes : christmas is coming!!! what do you think??
1) Real name : Grace Lai
2) Nicknames : gracie
3) Married : not yet
4) Zodiac sign : the one which stings
5) Gender : female
6) Age : 25
7) High School : pess
8) College : a few
9) Height : 5'3
10) Weight : no idea. don't want to know. haha
11) Do you like yourself : very well, yes
12) Piercings : yes
13) Right or left : left
14) Are you a freak : nope
15) Hair : black
16) Skin : tan
17) Allergic : to nonsense, ridiculous-ness and hypocrites
18) What are you doing now : thinking of food and work
19) What will you do 1 hour later : read
20) What will you do 10 years later : fly
The Family
21) Live with mother/ father/ parents : all
22) Siblings (including you) : 3
23) Eldest : me
24) Youngest : sis
25) Love/ hate your family : love hate. haha but usually love wins
The Love
26) Found your other half : he's still somewhere out there. haha. no
27) If yes who is she/ he : tell me
28) If no who do you want him/ her to be : someone amazing
29) Time(s) you been in a relationship : 1
30) Ever woo boy/ girl : no
31) Anyone woo you before : er, yea?
32) Did anything wrong to your other half : all the time. haha. no, not really all
33) What was/ were the wrong that you had done : wink
34) Ever argue with your other half : countless times
35) You with your other half since : school
36) Are you straight/ lesbo : very straight
37) Reasons you love your other half : tell you when i find him
38) You and your other half in which stage : no stage yet
39) You woo she/ he or he/ she woo you : i'm getting lazy with this
40) ever think of marry she/ he : pls get the english right. haha
The Friends
41) Your first best friend : joanne tan
42) Your first enemy : forgot
43) The friend you love the most : i love them all
44) The enemy you hate the most : a waste of my time
45) Your most beautiful girl friend : can't think now
46) Your most handsome boy friend : also can't think now
47) The kind of girl you hate the most : hypocrites, schemers, manipulative ppl
48) The kind of boy you hate the most : shallow guys
49) You fall in love with your close friend before : nope
50) Your best friend is your ex-lover : let me think .... hahaha
51) If your friend backstabbing you : wouldn't be my friend then
52) If your friend betray you : i don't control other ppl's choices
53) If your friend love your lover : choice. choice. choice
54) If your friend fall in love with you : do i love him?
55) If you fall in love with your best friend : i don't think i will
The Studies
56) Are you a good student : studious yes
57) You always done your homework/ assignments : always
58) The teacher/ tutor love you most : any maths teacher
59) Always late to school/ college : nope
60) Your class : what about it
61) You love your seniors : yeah
62) Senior who love you the most : no such thing
63) Your classmates good/ bad : there's a balance
64) Excellent result classmates : hello. i'm 25 already
65) Laziest classmate :
The People
66) Smart people : with vision
67) Stupid people : without vision
68) Good looking people : ppl with pure hearts
69) Ugly people : manipulative ones
70) Funny people : funny
71) Cute people : children
72) Bad people : ... hmmmm.... look in the papers i guess
73) Honest people : love them
74) Acting people : acting??? you mean, pretending
75) What kind of person are you : tell me
76) Lips or eyes : both
77) Hugs or kisses : both
78) Shorter or taller : taller
79) Hesitant or spontaneous : spontaneous
80) Nice stomach or nice arms : doesn't matter
81) Listener or talker : both at the right time
82) Romantic or rich : romance romance
83) Good Husband or good father : both
The Future
84) Age to get married : you tell me
85) Number of kids : any depending on capability
86) Career : loving it
87) Salary : so so
88) Retirement age : when i die
89) Properties value : doesn't bother me
90) Wishes : christmas is coming!!! what do you think??
November 20, 2008
in time
life is hanging by a-very-pretty-piece-of-lace now [oh, haha i don't liken my life to thread, so it's not hanging by a 'thread']. amidst the scatter and clatter, i am offered two very intriguing and attractive offers.
not going to reveal what they are yet but, am seriously considering them.
and if i do somehow, in the end, go for it, then my life would be a story of upheaval all over again. change really seems to be the story of my life.
during lunch, instead of going to eat with the rest of my colleagues, i decided to indulge a little. have been working till nearly 9 every day for the past week so i decided to inject a full stop and exclamation mark into the sentence of my day.
while having my nails done, the girl doing it was telling me about her wedding next April. and i was thinking, another wedding. always someone else's wedding. while i'm happy for her, i'm also ambivalent. she was telling me how her fiance is seven years older [she is 24], and how, yes, even though it's not passionate, exciting, head-over-heels-in-love kind of love, we girls should accept it because we 'have to be' realistic. in translation, she means that despite the lack of spark and giddy feelings, just settle. sigh.
of course, i'm happy for her. really i am. and i admire the fact that she can actually 'settle' for something ... like this. try as i may, i can't seem to.
so anyway, instead of settling, i'm considering these two options. which is the absolute opposite.
haha. stay tuned and see what i choose. in time.
not going to reveal what they are yet but, am seriously considering them.
and if i do somehow, in the end, go for it, then my life would be a story of upheaval all over again. change really seems to be the story of my life.
during lunch, instead of going to eat with the rest of my colleagues, i decided to indulge a little. have been working till nearly 9 every day for the past week so i decided to inject a full stop and exclamation mark into the sentence of my day.
while having my nails done, the girl doing it was telling me about her wedding next April. and i was thinking, another wedding. always someone else's wedding. while i'm happy for her, i'm also ambivalent. she was telling me how her fiance is seven years older [she is 24], and how, yes, even though it's not passionate, exciting, head-over-heels-in-love kind of love, we girls should accept it because we 'have to be' realistic. in translation, she means that despite the lack of spark and giddy feelings, just settle. sigh.
of course, i'm happy for her. really i am. and i admire the fact that she can actually 'settle' for something ... like this. try as i may, i can't seem to.
so anyway, instead of settling, i'm considering these two options. which is the absolute opposite.
haha. stay tuned and see what i choose. in time.
November 19, 2008
a puff of steam and nothing else
ok. this is strictly work related but i really need to release some tension here.
and gosh, all i seem to write about is work these few days. but it's near dateline [dateline by right, is tomorrow anyway. but we're nowhere done] and the december issue is the bumper issue, yes. it's about 100+ EXTRA pages so imagine the E X T R A work.
have been working till nearly 9 everyday. AND THEN rush home for more work. parents are still happily away. was thinking last night, after dropping onto bed, that right now, it's looking like just work, sleep, work, sleep. not complaining but i'm sure my brain would like some rest time.
anyway, i woke up happy and came to work happily. BUT the advertisors seem bent on wreaking havoc. they keep changing the layout and the text. every single word. every picture. the first 3-5 times they send it back, i'll accept without a word. i understand. but after the 6th time, beware. the worst thing is when after the 1000th change, they decide my first copy is what they want ?!?!?! and that's on top of all the proofreading.
ok. breathe.
i'm fine now.
back to more writing and editing.
and gosh, all i seem to write about is work these few days. but it's near dateline [dateline by right, is tomorrow anyway. but we're nowhere done] and the december issue is the bumper issue, yes. it's about 100+ EXTRA pages so imagine the E X T R A work.
have been working till nearly 9 everyday. AND THEN rush home for more work. parents are still happily away. was thinking last night, after dropping onto bed, that right now, it's looking like just work, sleep, work, sleep. not complaining but i'm sure my brain would like some rest time.
anyway, i woke up happy and came to work happily. BUT the advertisors seem bent on wreaking havoc. they keep changing the layout and the text. every single word. every picture. the first 3-5 times they send it back, i'll accept without a word. i understand. but after the 6th time, beware. the worst thing is when after the 1000th change, they decide my first copy is what they want ?!?!?! and that's on top of all the proofreading.
ok. breathe.
i'm fine now.
back to more writing and editing.
November 18, 2008
who says we don't like flowers?
yes, whoever said that is either, not a girl, or not telling the truth.
we love gifts. we love surprises and even the most .... 'practical' of us girls and women, LOVE flowers [as gifts, not just the ones by the road].
reason i say so is because in the last week alone, i had two lovely friends celebrate their birthdays.
one girl's boyfriend-going-to-be-fiance surprised her with 99 stalks of roses [yes, chinese love the word 99 as it sounds like 'longevity' in cantonese].
another very dear girlfriend's husband surprised her with .... [get ready] 200 stalks of roses. oh my. if i was her, i'd be inconsolable.
what a declaration of love and appreciation.
of course, we're not materialistic. neither are we here to upp-one-another by comparing and going for the i-got-more-than-you attitude but when it comes to gestures like these, nothing is too simple. nothing is too much. nothing is too impractical.
as streisand sings it ... 'you don't bring me flowers ....anymore'
oh and single girls out there, wait. wait. wait. for the best.
yeah it's hard. frustrating and just plain ... exhausting but then, don't we want the best?
we love gifts. we love surprises and even the most .... 'practical' of us girls and women, LOVE flowers [as gifts, not just the ones by the road].
reason i say so is because in the last week alone, i had two lovely friends celebrate their birthdays.
one girl's boyfriend-going-to-be-fiance surprised her with 99 stalks of roses [yes, chinese love the word 99 as it sounds like 'longevity' in cantonese].
another very dear girlfriend's husband surprised her with .... [get ready] 200 stalks of roses. oh my. if i was her, i'd be inconsolable.
what a declaration of love and appreciation.
of course, we're not materialistic. neither are we here to upp-one-another by comparing and going for the i-got-more-than-you attitude but when it comes to gestures like these, nothing is too simple. nothing is too much. nothing is too impractical.
as streisand sings it ... 'you don't bring me flowers ....anymore'
oh and single girls out there, wait. wait. wait. for the best.
yeah it's hard. frustrating and just plain ... exhausting but then, don't we want the best?
November 17, 2008
working sis it is again
am still at work. am STILL hungry. [8.29pm now]
can i close my eyes, wish hard and have a delicious caesar salad materialize on my table now? right now.
gosh. am going crazy.
still have several articles pending to proofread, re-do layout, proofread and re-do layout.
at the back of my mind, i'm thinking of,
1- lights at home
2- the clothes i dumped into the washing machine this morn [before i rushed off for work] that needs to be taken out to hang [under the moonlight ?!?!?!]
3- oh the dog. our poor dog.
4- mail at home
5- the 2 people [at different venues] i have got to meet after this [for work purposes]
also managed to sweep the foyer floor [leaves and litter] before jumping into car this morn.
where in the world is my bro and sis. and when in the world will my parents be back???
haha ok. laugh grace, laugh.
can i close my eyes, wish hard and have a delicious caesar salad materialize on my table now? right now.
gosh. am going crazy.
still have several articles pending to proofread, re-do layout, proofread and re-do layout.
at the back of my mind, i'm thinking of,
1- lights at home
2- the clothes i dumped into the washing machine this morn [before i rushed off for work] that needs to be taken out to hang [under the moonlight ?!?!?!]
3- oh the dog. our poor dog.
4- mail at home
5- the 2 people [at different venues] i have got to meet after this [for work purposes]
also managed to sweep the foyer floor [leaves and litter] before jumping into car this morn.
where in the world is my bro and sis. and when in the world will my parents be back???
haha ok. laugh grace, laugh.
lost it
i can't believe i completely lost my train of thoughts
i can't remember what it was i wanted to write ....
i was thinking about it last night but working 5 days of a week, and then on both saturday and sunday, i was exhausted upon climbing into bed.
so now.
i really can't remember.
i can't remember what it was i wanted to write ....
i was thinking about it last night but working 5 days of a week, and then on both saturday and sunday, i was exhausted upon climbing into bed.
so now.
i really can't remember.
November 15, 2008
i must have lost my mind
i.am.so.sleepy.
it's saturday and I.AM.AT.WORK!!! getting up at 7.30am this morning was a nightmare.
tell you a secret; every morning, when the alarm rings and i have to get up, i feel like committing suicide. yes. every morning, i contemplate suicide. hahaha. ok. it's not as depressing as it sounds. i love my job. i love life. BUT waking up to the sound of the alarm is just torture. anyway, it rings and vibrates, and i turn over and drop onto the floor [yeah, that's how i get up. i fall down]. then i walk to bathroom with eyes half closed, sees sister already going off for work, grunts and glares at her [not really because it's her, but just because i have to see another being so early in the morning].
so yes, it's saturday and i'm killing time. another half an hour to go before i can leave this fridge i'm sitting in, opps, i mean my office. it's so cold. somehow the air-con vent blows directly at my fingers no matter how i try to get it to swing away.
i planned a day of fun. SUPPOSEDLY going for a nice lunch. then clothes shopping. then book shopping. tea. more shopping. dinner and rest. but now, a total change of plans.
now, my saturday is;
7.30am - 1.30pm : work, or pretend to work till 1.30
1.30pm : rush off for ferrari event [working with a friend]
3pm - 5/6/7pm: work
7pm : rush home [see earlier post for list of work to cram in]
8/9pm - ?!?!?! : meet friends FOR WORK
and tomorrow? nods. work.
how delightful.
it's saturday and I.AM.AT.WORK!!! getting up at 7.30am this morning was a nightmare.
tell you a secret; every morning, when the alarm rings and i have to get up, i feel like committing suicide. yes. every morning, i contemplate suicide. hahaha. ok. it's not as depressing as it sounds. i love my job. i love life. BUT waking up to the sound of the alarm is just torture. anyway, it rings and vibrates, and i turn over and drop onto the floor [yeah, that's how i get up. i fall down]. then i walk to bathroom with eyes half closed, sees sister already going off for work, grunts and glares at her [not really because it's her, but just because i have to see another being so early in the morning].
so yes, it's saturday and i'm killing time. another half an hour to go before i can leave this fridge i'm sitting in, opps, i mean my office. it's so cold. somehow the air-con vent blows directly at my fingers no matter how i try to get it to swing away.
i planned a day of fun. SUPPOSEDLY going for a nice lunch. then clothes shopping. then book shopping. tea. more shopping. dinner and rest. but now, a total change of plans.
now, my saturday is;
7.30am - 1.30pm : work, or pretend to work till 1.30
1.30pm : rush off for ferrari event [working with a friend]
3pm - 5/6/7pm: work
7pm : rush home [see earlier post for list of work to cram in]
8/9pm - ?!?!?! : meet friends FOR WORK
and tomorrow? nods. work.
how delightful.
November 14, 2008
working sis
oh no. parents are away for a few days again. some might think it's fun [freedom i guess] but it's not. really. let me tell you why.
parents away = the three of us left at home. namely me, brother and sister.
all three of us work. i'm supposedly the busiest, in the sense that my hours are unpredictable especially during near-dateline-weeks [like these two weeks]. brother works in retail. sister in a 'mall setting' office. so they should be back earlier. come on, malls close at FIXED hours. BUT both brother and sister are sociable creatures, i'm the homebody. they never come home immediately after work whereas i, even though i like going out, i also like going home. and i especially like the quiet of home after a day or writing, talking, smiling, reading and more reading.
anyway, this being so, with parents away, i'll have to rush home every evening to
1 - feed and make sure our dog [who's home alone the whole day] has not died
2 - turn on the lights. otherwise the house will be left in total darkness, not wise
3 - make sure the mountain of clothes do not get higher than mount everest
4 - if it is so, then wash, hang, take in, fold and distribute clothes accordingly [at night!!!]
5 - water and make sure the one thousand and one plants do not wither and die in the few days mum is away
6 - dog litter. you get it.
7 - make sure there's drinking water at home
8 - being the neat freak i am, make sure house is in a reasonable state
ALL THESE to be crammed into the 3-4 hours between the time i get home and go to bed.
i can so imagine the life of a working mum. and single parents.
they are definitely in training to rule the world.
parents away = the three of us left at home. namely me, brother and sister.
all three of us work. i'm supposedly the busiest, in the sense that my hours are unpredictable especially during near-dateline-weeks [like these two weeks]. brother works in retail. sister in a 'mall setting' office. so they should be back earlier. come on, malls close at FIXED hours. BUT both brother and sister are sociable creatures, i'm the homebody. they never come home immediately after work whereas i, even though i like going out, i also like going home. and i especially like the quiet of home after a day or writing, talking, smiling, reading and more reading.
anyway, this being so, with parents away, i'll have to rush home every evening to
1 - feed and make sure our dog [who's home alone the whole day] has not died
2 - turn on the lights. otherwise the house will be left in total darkness, not wise
3 - make sure the mountain of clothes do not get higher than mount everest
4 - if it is so, then wash, hang, take in, fold and distribute clothes accordingly [at night!!!]
5 - water and make sure the one thousand and one plants do not wither and die in the few days mum is away
6 - dog litter. you get it.
7 - make sure there's drinking water at home
8 - being the neat freak i am, make sure house is in a reasonable state
ALL THESE to be crammed into the 3-4 hours between the time i get home and go to bed.
i can so imagine the life of a working mum. and single parents.
they are definitely in training to rule the world.
November 13, 2008
in and never out
it's the time of the month... so much work that is. last night i was at the office till 8pm.
my colleague and i were so hungry, we were bemoaning the fact that kfc does not do delivery. wait, i hate fast food. never eat it but then, at 8 and working, we really didn't want McD again.
anyway, as i was resting [much later], i was thinking, we are so used to conveniences like this that we actually run our lives around them. when i was in the UK, milk, papers, groceries and food are delivered to your doorstep. with internet connection in the house, there really is no need to venture out of the house.
and i was thinking, i'm really going to dread the advances of technology. imagine the day when everybody has ABSOLUTELY NO NEED to leave their own homes. everybody will be indoors .... what utter horror. well for me, it is.
you know, we really should stop being this dependant on i don't know ... conveniences like this?
where's the meaning of life if it all boils down to just that?
my colleague and i were so hungry, we were bemoaning the fact that kfc does not do delivery. wait, i hate fast food. never eat it but then, at 8 and working, we really didn't want McD again.
anyway, as i was resting [much later], i was thinking, we are so used to conveniences like this that we actually run our lives around them. when i was in the UK, milk, papers, groceries and food are delivered to your doorstep. with internet connection in the house, there really is no need to venture out of the house.
and i was thinking, i'm really going to dread the advances of technology. imagine the day when everybody has ABSOLUTELY NO NEED to leave their own homes. everybody will be indoors .... what utter horror. well for me, it is.
you know, we really should stop being this dependant on i don't know ... conveniences like this?
where's the meaning of life if it all boils down to just that?
November 11, 2008
it's the heart
generosity.
often, we think only in terms of money. be generous with your money. but that's not all.
lately, certain things have been happening that made me wonder and go, hmmm, maybe there's something i should learn here....
the past few days, things happened that left me with little choice.
i can refuse to budge, be stubborn and yes, have the final say, yet not gain much else. if i choose to not bow to that thing called 'humility' and 'forgiveness', i could perhaps 'look good' but really, then what? most of the times, we want to have the final say. we don't want to say sorry [especially if we were not in the wrong] and we just never want to be the one who offers the olive branch. indeed it is a tough pie to swallow. in fact, i often imagine myself swallowing an egg (whole) in such circumstances. choking indeed.
but if the same set of circumstances keep occuring, i guess i definitely have to admit and go, ok. i get it. i'm supposed to learn something here and i better do so. god only knows how long it'll take if i don't.
i love the chinese word 大方 . it means, generosity of heart. it means grace. it means 'an open heart' literally translated.
we don't always have to have the last word.
we don't always have to be the 'right' one.
we don't always have to have the answers.
we don't always have to wait for the other person to relent.
generosity of heart.
ok.
i get it.
often, we think only in terms of money. be generous with your money. but that's not all.
lately, certain things have been happening that made me wonder and go, hmmm, maybe there's something i should learn here....
the past few days, things happened that left me with little choice.
i can refuse to budge, be stubborn and yes, have the final say, yet not gain much else. if i choose to not bow to that thing called 'humility' and 'forgiveness', i could perhaps 'look good' but really, then what? most of the times, we want to have the final say. we don't want to say sorry [especially if we were not in the wrong] and we just never want to be the one who offers the olive branch. indeed it is a tough pie to swallow. in fact, i often imagine myself swallowing an egg (whole) in such circumstances. choking indeed.
but if the same set of circumstances keep occuring, i guess i definitely have to admit and go, ok. i get it. i'm supposed to learn something here and i better do so. god only knows how long it'll take if i don't.
i love the chinese word 大方 . it means, generosity of heart. it means grace. it means 'an open heart' literally translated.
we don't always have to have the last word.
we don't always have to be the 'right' one.
we don't always have to have the answers.
we don't always have to wait for the other person to relent.
generosity of heart.
ok.
i get it.
interpret
"the road to hell is paved with good intentions"
a well known and oft-quoted phrase.
at first glance, we usually think that it is a 'negative' quote. the word hell immediately turns us off and some people even skim over it if they ever come across such a phrase.
well, someone used it the other day and i was thinking, perhaps we should really look at that phrase. consider it. there are so many ways to interpret it.
one, we could say that, good intentions are not always what they seem. people may not actually be that ... beneficial.
but we could also look at it from a point where it means that, 'to do good is not always an easy road'. it may seem like a road to 'hell', tough and demanding. but ....
i don't have the answer. but, what i mean is, there are often many different point of views and interpretations. while it may be easy and convenient to just fall back on the general and accepted interpretation, things are not always as they seem.
working that brain may bring a surprise or two.
a well known and oft-quoted phrase.
at first glance, we usually think that it is a 'negative' quote. the word hell immediately turns us off and some people even skim over it if they ever come across such a phrase.
well, someone used it the other day and i was thinking, perhaps we should really look at that phrase. consider it. there are so many ways to interpret it.
one, we could say that, good intentions are not always what they seem. people may not actually be that ... beneficial.
but we could also look at it from a point where it means that, 'to do good is not always an easy road'. it may seem like a road to 'hell', tough and demanding. but ....
i don't have the answer. but, what i mean is, there are often many different point of views and interpretations. while it may be easy and convenient to just fall back on the general and accepted interpretation, things are not always as they seem.
working that brain may bring a surprise or two.
November 10, 2008
i want, i want, i want .....
am feeling a little naughty
am feeling a little 'me'
am feeling self indulgent
so i'm going to go ahead and admit it
i want a genie to grant me all my wishes - immediately
i want a dream i can't have [i walked beside the evening shore and dreamed a dream that could not be]
i want a bottomless account for shopping [ok, for myself and loved ones]
i want sage wisdom and less silly mistakes
i want a mazda 5 or 7
i want to live in new york [but not for too long]
i want a christmas tree that will pop up, fully decorated, on its own
i want to fly around the world with loved ones
i want to eat all i want without looking it
i want to paint like van gogh
i want to sing like barbra streisand
i want to look like rachel weisz
haha. ok. enough.
so self-centred i know. even to myself, it's too much. how can i be SO self-centred.
so. ok.
my 2 mins of self indulgence is over.
back to the real world now.
am feeling a little 'me'
am feeling self indulgent
so i'm going to go ahead and admit it
i want a genie to grant me all my wishes - immediately
i want a dream i can't have [i walked beside the evening shore and dreamed a dream that could not be]
i want a bottomless account for shopping [ok, for myself and loved ones]
i want sage wisdom and less silly mistakes
i want a mazda 5 or 7
i want to live in new york [but not for too long]
i want a christmas tree that will pop up, fully decorated, on its own
i want to fly around the world with loved ones
i want to eat all i want without looking it
i want to paint like van gogh
i want to sing like barbra streisand
i want to look like rachel weisz
haha. ok. enough.
so self-centred i know. even to myself, it's too much. how can i be SO self-centred.
so. ok.
my 2 mins of self indulgence is over.
back to the real world now.
November 9, 2008
today and today alone
today is a lazy day. a day to rest. a day to recover.
but of course, my brain won't do that. it never does.
lying there, i wondered, what do i want out of life???
time to take stock. but that kind of question annoys. frustrates.
what DO i really want out of life???
career? i had it and i have one i love now.
purpose? i think , yes. i have it
what
what
what else??
and then it hits me.
maybe i'll just change the way i think.
instead of asking what i want out of 'life', i'll just take it little by little. ergo, what do i want out of 'today'. and that's it.
instead of looking at the big picture and always needing to know what, when, where, how and why, i'll do it this way.
what do i want out of today?
that's it. tomorrow will be tomorrow.
but of course, my brain won't do that. it never does.
lying there, i wondered, what do i want out of life???
time to take stock. but that kind of question annoys. frustrates.
what DO i really want out of life???
career? i had it and i have one i love now.
purpose? i think , yes. i have it
what
what
what else??
and then it hits me.
maybe i'll just change the way i think.
instead of asking what i want out of 'life', i'll just take it little by little. ergo, what do i want out of 'today'. and that's it.
instead of looking at the big picture and always needing to know what, when, where, how and why, i'll do it this way.
what do i want out of today?
that's it. tomorrow will be tomorrow.
November 8, 2008
feather ... and feather
yesterday, i walked into the bathroom for a shower and saw a feather on the floor.
i was surprised but thought, a careless bird perhaps. in the bathroom - quite weird, but oh well.
today, i saw another feather near my things on the table.
serious. both times. white feather. different types but two days in a row.
the realistic grace goes: it's got to be a bird shedding or something.
the dreamer grace goes: but INSIDE the bathroom and in the house?? two days in a row?
i live in a double storey house and .... the likelihood of birds in the house on the landing, on the second floor is kinda ... odd.
so i wonder, am i supposed to get some kind of divine message??
p.s. i don't think i'm getting it
i was surprised but thought, a careless bird perhaps. in the bathroom - quite weird, but oh well.
today, i saw another feather near my things on the table.
serious. both times. white feather. different types but two days in a row.
the realistic grace goes: it's got to be a bird shedding or something.
the dreamer grace goes: but INSIDE the bathroom and in the house?? two days in a row?
i live in a double storey house and .... the likelihood of birds in the house on the landing, on the second floor is kinda ... odd.
so i wonder, am i supposed to get some kind of divine message??
p.s. i don't think i'm getting it
November 7, 2008
kill me now
he said that 'iron sharpens iron'.
have you ever worked with people whom you just so want to kill? i really take my hat off to people who are mild-tempered and patient. i mean, yes, i am quite impatient but i would also say i'm a relatively calm person. challenges do not daunt me, difficulties i can face and it generally takes A LOT to stress me out but, it also takes considerably less to get me all riled up and off.
have you ever met those saintly-angelic people who just seem to have a bottomless reserve of patience? they can wait for hours without blinking an eye. they can take all sorts of ridiculous behaviour without getting a single hair out of place. they can smile at the most impossible, unacceptable person and just you know, never seem to be angry, short tempered or annoyed?? i watch these people in amazement and i feel ... dirt-low when i see them. i cringe. how can someone be so perfectly nice???
anyway, having worked for ... 3+(??) years, i've worked with many different types of people. being who i am, i also accept, by now, the fact that not everyone is the same. i can't expect people to react, think or behave the way i want them to [i can pray till he comes but i don't think so] and generally, i let it go and just find ways to change or adapt to the circumstances. BUT there are still instances or people whom i just find it impossible to tolerate. impossible.
i get SO annoyed at such times i just wish i could kill them off. haha. ok. maybe not literally but metaphorically. words i never ever use come to mind. i begin to imagine torturous death for them and i just plain wish i could eliminate such people from my life. it's either i kill them or i kill myself, just so i don't have to deal with such .... incompetencies, childishness and whatsoever.
ok. breathe.
then i repeat to myself, 'iron sharpens iron'. 'you reap what you sow'. 'do unto others' ... 'what goes around comes around' ... he did it, so will i. 'it won't kill me ... yet' ....
ok. breathe.
yeah. life can't be perfect.
so on to the next thing.
have you ever worked with people whom you just so want to kill? i really take my hat off to people who are mild-tempered and patient. i mean, yes, i am quite impatient but i would also say i'm a relatively calm person. challenges do not daunt me, difficulties i can face and it generally takes A LOT to stress me out but, it also takes considerably less to get me all riled up and off.
have you ever met those saintly-angelic people who just seem to have a bottomless reserve of patience? they can wait for hours without blinking an eye. they can take all sorts of ridiculous behaviour without getting a single hair out of place. they can smile at the most impossible, unacceptable person and just you know, never seem to be angry, short tempered or annoyed?? i watch these people in amazement and i feel ... dirt-low when i see them. i cringe. how can someone be so perfectly nice???
anyway, having worked for ... 3+(??) years, i've worked with many different types of people. being who i am, i also accept, by now, the fact that not everyone is the same. i can't expect people to react, think or behave the way i want them to [i can pray till he comes but i don't think so] and generally, i let it go and just find ways to change or adapt to the circumstances. BUT there are still instances or people whom i just find it impossible to tolerate. impossible.
i get SO annoyed at such times i just wish i could kill them off. haha. ok. maybe not literally but metaphorically. words i never ever use come to mind. i begin to imagine torturous death for them and i just plain wish i could eliminate such people from my life. it's either i kill them or i kill myself, just so i don't have to deal with such .... incompetencies, childishness and whatsoever.
ok. breathe.
then i repeat to myself, 'iron sharpens iron'. 'you reap what you sow'. 'do unto others' ... 'what goes around comes around' ... he did it, so will i. 'it won't kill me ... yet' ....
ok. breathe.
yeah. life can't be perfect.
so on to the next thing.
November 6, 2008
what is that you're wearing
* strictly girl
as girls, we have to ....
x watch what we eat ALL THE TIME
x watch what we wear ALL THE TIME
x manicure and pedicure. while maybe not everyone has to endure the hours of sitting there trying not to fall asleep while someone chip and hack at your hands and feet, living in a city where everyone looks at EVERY aspect of you; making sure your hands, nails, cuticles and whatever else are polished to the dot presents a neater impression. going for them takes up considerable time, yes, but ... sigh.
x eyebrows, eyelashes, skin tone, lip colour, eye bags, shadows beneath the eyes .... the list go a mile long and without proper 'grooming', stay away from the general public yes?
x clothes (!!!) imagine for those of us who have to meet people and socialize. making sure we do not wear the same thing as someone else or the same thing twice in 2 weeks (god forbid yeah?) take up just as much time. if not more
x colouring, perming, waxing, stripping and everything else i can't even imagine.... oh the horror of it all.
why was i thinking about this??
well. i've been so busy this week that i realized i've slept less than 10 hours in a total of three days. i'm that tired. oh, i mean, dead tired. haha.
anyway, i was also thinking, in between the crazy work schedules, [going for events, pretending to be interested when in truth we're totally not, thinking about the 101 articles pending, the storyline, the intro, the flow, the gist ....] as girls, we still have to look 'reasonably presentable'. in fact, we are EXPECTED to.
in a career where we have to meet people anytime of the day, we have no choice but to always be on our best. despite the hour, time or day, god forbid that we even look tired. given a choice, i think we all wish we could wake up looking like a million dollars and not having to bother AT ALL.
at most events, men can get away with wearing a simple shirt and jeans. i bet if i wore a shapeless shirt and jeans to work, my boss would subtly raise her thousand-dollar-tinted-embroidered-eyebrows at me.
what injustice!
yes, i wish life doesn't have to be that materialistic and narcissistic. i also wish i could honestly tell myself i don't care what others think. i live to please no one. but come on, be real.
can we??
as girls, we have to ....
x watch what we eat ALL THE TIME
x watch what we wear ALL THE TIME
x manicure and pedicure. while maybe not everyone has to endure the hours of sitting there trying not to fall asleep while someone chip and hack at your hands and feet, living in a city where everyone looks at EVERY aspect of you; making sure your hands, nails, cuticles and whatever else are polished to the dot presents a neater impression. going for them takes up considerable time, yes, but ... sigh.
x eyebrows, eyelashes, skin tone, lip colour, eye bags, shadows beneath the eyes .... the list go a mile long and without proper 'grooming', stay away from the general public yes?
x clothes (!!!) imagine for those of us who have to meet people and socialize. making sure we do not wear the same thing as someone else or the same thing twice in 2 weeks (god forbid yeah?) take up just as much time. if not more
x colouring, perming, waxing, stripping and everything else i can't even imagine.... oh the horror of it all.
why was i thinking about this??
well. i've been so busy this week that i realized i've slept less than 10 hours in a total of three days. i'm that tired. oh, i mean, dead tired. haha.
anyway, i was also thinking, in between the crazy work schedules, [going for events, pretending to be interested when in truth we're totally not, thinking about the 101 articles pending, the storyline, the intro, the flow, the gist ....] as girls, we still have to look 'reasonably presentable'. in fact, we are EXPECTED to.
in a career where we have to meet people anytime of the day, we have no choice but to always be on our best. despite the hour, time or day, god forbid that we even look tired. given a choice, i think we all wish we could wake up looking like a million dollars and not having to bother AT ALL.
at most events, men can get away with wearing a simple shirt and jeans. i bet if i wore a shapeless shirt and jeans to work, my boss would subtly raise her thousand-dollar-tinted-embroidered-eyebrows at me.
what injustice!
yes, i wish life doesn't have to be that materialistic and narcissistic. i also wish i could honestly tell myself i don't care what others think. i live to please no one. but come on, be real.
can we??
November 4, 2008
old and dirty,not
those who grew up in malaysia would be most familiar with the morning markets. usually frequented by the 'older generation' - mums, dads, aunts, uncles and the 'grands', it's a hustle and bustle of fresh [and i mean, still-alive-slaughtered-on-the-spot fresh] produce and delicious food. every residential area has one such area and it's a daily congregation for most old folks. not only do they go for the usual cuppa, lingering for hours on end, it's the place for gossip, latest news and a touch of the dear and familiar.
when i was young, my grandmother used to walk me, or, come to think about it, i used to walk with my grandmother, to these markets for breakfast or fresh vegetable. in fact, mum and dad also used to take little me there for the most delicious breakfast. vendors are all up and awake by 4 in the morning to prepare and tempt us with the best and most authentic food imaginable.
now, all grown up and SO busy and chic, we young ones dread and avoid such places. to most of us, they're dirty, uncouth and plain disgusting. what with the live slaughtering, crowd, noise and scent of all kinds.
oh to our worldly minds, such places are for old folks only. never in our lives would we be caught dead there. would we deign to even set foot on those slippery and wet lanes? imagine our chanel, christian dior and gucci mingling with 'them'!
the horror of it.
but wait, this morning, in my rush to work, i dropped by. maybe just for a quick 2-minute dash, but i knew there'd be good food there. i know and i remember. there'd be 'real' food. coffee brewed the right and traditional way. food cooked and prepared just that morning; fresh and piping hot.
to me, it's a walk down memory lane.
waiting for my coffee, i could see i stood out. i was easily the youngest person there. in my heels and outfit, i just stuck out. yet ... i know i'm welcomed. i'm one of them.
when i was young, my grandmother used to walk me, or, come to think about it, i used to walk with my grandmother, to these markets for breakfast or fresh vegetable. in fact, mum and dad also used to take little me there for the most delicious breakfast. vendors are all up and awake by 4 in the morning to prepare and tempt us with the best and most authentic food imaginable.
now, all grown up and SO busy and chic, we young ones dread and avoid such places. to most of us, they're dirty, uncouth and plain disgusting. what with the live slaughtering, crowd, noise and scent of all kinds.
oh to our worldly minds, such places are for old folks only. never in our lives would we be caught dead there. would we deign to even set foot on those slippery and wet lanes? imagine our chanel, christian dior and gucci mingling with 'them'!
the horror of it.
but wait, this morning, in my rush to work, i dropped by. maybe just for a quick 2-minute dash, but i knew there'd be good food there. i know and i remember. there'd be 'real' food. coffee brewed the right and traditional way. food cooked and prepared just that morning; fresh and piping hot.
to me, it's a walk down memory lane.
waiting for my coffee, i could see i stood out. i was easily the youngest person there. in my heels and outfit, i just stuck out. yet ... i know i'm welcomed. i'm one of them.
November 3, 2008
lost feet
my feet died today.
i spent 5 hours walking in a mall, well, two malls, with my colleague. in heels. pointy-toed heels!!! and now i think my feet are dead to the world. numb beyond belief.
we had to source specific christmas gifts [i know!! it's just november] for the december issue so we walked a total of 5 hours!!! my colleague wore flats as she hates heels but i, as usual, wore heels as i don't like flats and now i'm paying for it.
i can't even stand.
i am so tired. and just now, in the kitchen ....
mum: want an apple?
grace: no. too tired .... can't bite.
mum: you're too tired to bite??
gosh!
i usually love green apples. but the thought of biting, chewing and just moving seem too much at the moment.
THIS is what you get for putting vanity before sanity.
p.s. the culprit heels
i spent 5 hours walking in a mall, well, two malls, with my colleague. in heels. pointy-toed heels!!! and now i think my feet are dead to the world. numb beyond belief.
we had to source specific christmas gifts [i know!! it's just november] for the december issue so we walked a total of 5 hours!!! my colleague wore flats as she hates heels but i, as usual, wore heels as i don't like flats and now i'm paying for it.
i can't even stand.
i am so tired. and just now, in the kitchen ....
mum: want an apple?
grace: no. too tired .... can't bite.
mum: you're too tired to bite??
gosh!
i usually love green apples. but the thought of biting, chewing and just moving seem too much at the moment.
THIS is what you get for putting vanity before sanity.
p.s. the culprit heels
climb
can we change who we are?
last night i was thinking; there are two kinds of people. one, they just live. don't really bother about much; life is all about going to work, getting paid, paying for everything else, going through the motions. whether as a student or one of the little creatures in the rat race of life, they are just one of them, they plod along. the other type [very fortunate ones] they live life with a zest. everyday is about passion. everyday is a game, a challenge, an upward climb.
and i wondered, where am i?
i would like to think that i'm in the latter group but then, don't we get tired? don't we slip? don't we, once in a while, want to just say, whatever, anything goes.
life is a whirlwind. not to get swept away requires tremendous effort and sanity. balance. it's all about balance.
what differentiates us?
what defines us?
how do we stay on the upward climb?
are we allowed to stop, sit and rest?
are we allowed to say we're tired?
last night i was thinking; there are two kinds of people. one, they just live. don't really bother about much; life is all about going to work, getting paid, paying for everything else, going through the motions. whether as a student or one of the little creatures in the rat race of life, they are just one of them, they plod along. the other type [very fortunate ones] they live life with a zest. everyday is about passion. everyday is a game, a challenge, an upward climb.
and i wondered, where am i?
i would like to think that i'm in the latter group but then, don't we get tired? don't we slip? don't we, once in a while, want to just say, whatever, anything goes.
life is a whirlwind. not to get swept away requires tremendous effort and sanity. balance. it's all about balance.
what differentiates us?
what defines us?
how do we stay on the upward climb?
are we allowed to stop, sit and rest?
are we allowed to say we're tired?
November 2, 2008
random
* notice the very cute sesame street toy on the car plate. wonder what happens to him when it rains ....
November 1, 2008
definitely, maybe.
today was a working saturday. so i had to go to work half day and right after that, i dashed off to this event - the Eco Film Fest. well, i didn't really go for the movies, more for the odd bazaars and stuff and i had a blast.
did something totally random and possibly unwise but no regrets. as i was leaving the place, this guy asked for directions to the nearest taxi stand. as the event was held at a very out-of-place area, it would have taken the guy 20-30 mins walk. so, i thought, well, probably unwise to offer him a lift [i drive around alone all the time] but then, poor guy had to walk. AND he was a foreigner. so i was thinking that was worse, because he obviously wouldn't know his way around. so i asked if i could give him a lift. it was nice, in the sense that i did a bit for a total stranger. i'll never see him again and we will forget about today in a week's time but that's the nicest thing about it. but of course, don't go around picking up guys.
anyway, i got home and was totally exhausted. i have two more books i need to read and review [in 4 days] so i didn't want to go out despite the endless events of the night.
i re-watched a fave movie - Definitely Maybe to unwind. i love isla fisher. i love rachel weisz [probably got her name wrong] and it's one of my top fave movies. i love how it establishes the fact that in life, we never know how things turn out. every choice and decision we make in turn, lead to something.
lives intersect. lives change.
all in the name of choice.
did something totally random and possibly unwise but no regrets. as i was leaving the place, this guy asked for directions to the nearest taxi stand. as the event was held at a very out-of-place area, it would have taken the guy 20-30 mins walk. so, i thought, well, probably unwise to offer him a lift [i drive around alone all the time] but then, poor guy had to walk. AND he was a foreigner. so i was thinking that was worse, because he obviously wouldn't know his way around. so i asked if i could give him a lift. it was nice, in the sense that i did a bit for a total stranger. i'll never see him again and we will forget about today in a week's time but that's the nicest thing about it. but of course, don't go around picking up guys.
anyway, i got home and was totally exhausted. i have two more books i need to read and review [in 4 days] so i didn't want to go out despite the endless events of the night.
i re-watched a fave movie - Definitely Maybe to unwind. i love isla fisher. i love rachel weisz [probably got her name wrong] and it's one of my top fave movies. i love how it establishes the fact that in life, we never know how things turn out. every choice and decision we make in turn, lead to something.
lives intersect. lives change.
all in the name of choice.
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