so i want to be left alone

have been feeling kind of restless the past few days.

it's not that i have no work. in fact, surprise surprise, i have 14 stories/articles to write in one week. yeah, i know. it's crazy. even i don't think i can do that bu amazingly, it's possible.

anyway, yeah. have been feeling kind of restless. didn't feel like going out with friends. didn't feel like attending the one-hundre-and-one events. didn't feel like anything.

i just feel ... surreal. void.

i was thinking, my life seems so unreal. people i meet. people i work with. people around me in general. no one's really real. some, consciously put on an act. some, unconsciously try to be someone they're not. and me being me - i just want to be left alone for a while.

so i want to be left alone.

i'm gathering my thoughts.

i'm going over my dreams.

and this is how i feel .....

let me dream

him : what do you want?

me : i want to be a dreamer when i grow up

him : a dreamer? that's not right. what will you do? what for?

me : i want to dream ....

i want to dream of the skies above

i want to dream of the universe beyond

i want to dream of the oceans beneath

i want to savour the flavours of the world

i want to dream the unknown, i want to dream the unwritten

i want to dream the unventured, i want to dream the unexplored

so don't restrict me. don't stop me

let me dream

this is me - finally

i'm asian, but sorry, soft spoken i'm not

i'm chinese, but sorry, demure i'm not

i'm a girl, but sorry, floral wishy-washy 'cuteness' i do not like

after much soul [or template] searching, this is me.

i love the vibrancy of colours. but i also need the solitude of the sturdy black.

i love the delights of randomness. but i also need the definition solid blocks, shapes and lines give.

i do not like borders that restrict. but i like things stream-lined.

so this is me.

this. is. me.

passive impassive

it's funny how life never turns out the way you want it to.

last year was a deliberately passive year for me. i spent nearly half of the year traveling, and the second half at a job where i just did what i love. it didn't even feel like work.

prior to that, life was a hectic roller coaster. juggling mission trips, living for a year in a non-city environment, going back to college, assignments, exams, juggling two extremely challenging and competitive jobs ... it was a wonder i didn't age 10 years just from those few years alone.

so yes, last year, i decided i need a break. and it was.

still, being who i am, i couldn't have continued being that passive. so this year ... wow. here it comes again.

of course, i didn't plan or imagine something like this. i mean, in fact, i always thought i'd be married and with kids by 25. yeah i know. i turned 25 and still am very single, but by choice and not circumstances. anyway, yes, i always thought i'd be over the corporate world, high-flying kinda life by 25. but it doesn't seem so.

so far, 2009 has been surprising. in more good ways than bad. so here's to you 2009, be kind, be nice. and i'll love you for it ;)

here comes my weekend

it is friday!!!!! and what's even better is tomorrow is not a working day!!!! i need to give thanks just for that alone. well, i DO have a meeting around 11.30 but at least i don't have to crawl awake at 7!!

anyway, the past two or maybe three nights, i've been working late, going home only around 11pm [yes, imagine it. 9am-11pm] and so my body is dead sore.

anyway, yesterday night, the moment i let myself in, i saw dad and he was like ....

dad: why are you working so late nowadays?
me: not nowadays la -.- every month, this time, i work this late. [and i was thinking, it's just that no one notices coz they're always home later than i]
dad: i left you dinner last night and tonight, but it's gone now

and i was thinking, yes, i haven't eaten anything nice lately.

you see, i'm really really adaptable and not too particular BUT i do love 'my kind of' food and drinks.

i love my salads. i love good food. i love nice drinks. sis says i'm high-maintenance, but i just prefer to think of myself as liking 'fresh food'. i mean, no complains about the local food, i love my curries and spicy stuff, but nothing can beat my fresh salads.

anyway, wow. it's friday. i'll probably have to work late again tonight. mag's not off for print so there's a lot of proofreading to do but it's ok. i'm sleeping in tomorrow.

the way i am

i wish i love you more, i wish i obey you more

i wish i surrender more than i fight, i wish i submit more than i question

searching for you, i wondered at myself.

going around in circles, when ever is the end

someone once told me, if You didn't want me to be this way, You wouldn't have created me so.

so maybe, i might wish i'm more like her. i might wish i'm more like him. at the end of the day, surely You didn't make any mistakes in making me this way. surely You knew what You were doing.

so maybe, it's time i learn to accept and love myself the way i am.

colours

oh in case you're wondering why i keep changing the colour of my blog ....

i can only say i'm discovering myself. haha. but it's true.

i thought i liked a white background, plain is good, no?

but then i realized, nope. i really can't stand living without colours.

then i realized, i also don't like grey-ish/gloomy-looking screens....

so we'll see.

the simple gifts of life

ok, i need a break.

today's been a good day. i've been working [writing-proofreading-writing] all day, every minute and that's good. but now i need a break.

anyway, i was just thinking, i'm a very 'sensitive' person. not sensitive as in easily hurt/take-everything-personally kind of sensitive but more of a, very "sense-heightened" person.

i remember everything i smell, see or touch very easily. as i was proofreading this totally unrelated article, i thought of a friend's cologne. he was the guy i traveled with to bangkok recently. i haven't seen him for a while, so i thought of him.

i'm not just a vision kind of person. thinking about him, i can actually recall the scent of his cologne, as he sat beside me for five consecutive days; his face, his voice and even his general appearance/dressing. his name alone, brings to mind his favoured cologne, colours of clothes, voice and jokes. not just him, but anyone else.

i'm also the type of person who misses a friend/relative/loved one and will think about them if i don't seem them for a while.

so yes, i remember another one's cologne. i also remember that other person's smoke-infused 'air'. that friend's voice. a girl friend's touch. a loved one's tenderness.

aren't our senses such a blessing? most times, we take it for granted. we barely bother registering the fact that we can see, smell, touch, hear and taste. but really, i thank god i can.

aromas ... colours ... spiciness ... sweetness ... silky touches ... soft whispers.

aren't they all the simple gifts of life?

now i know why

no wonder i'm so messed up!

ok, first, to explain - due to me having finished ALL my work and am on the verge of going insane out of boredom, i decided to look at zodiacs and star signs. yes, i don't believe in it, but oh well, since i'm free and i don't know what else i haven't read or wiki-ed.

anyway, now i know why i'm so messed up. or rather, now i know why i have such conflicting tendencies and personality.

apparently, i was born 'on a cusp', meaning, i was born on the day when the sun supposedly changed position or something, and therefore, i have traits of TWO different zodiac signs. for me, they are the Libra and Scorpio sign.

so let's see what they say ....

ta da!

Libra
Your element: Air
Your stone: Opals
Life Pursuit: To be consistent
Vibration: Unsteady
Libran's Secret Desire: To live an easy, uncomplicated life

Scorpio
Your element: Water
Your stone: Topaz
Life Pursuit: To survive against all opposition
Vibration: Resilient
Scorpio's Secret Desire: To triumph

ok. look! as a libran, i am unsteady and wants an easy, uncomplicated life [true. yeah, sometimes feel so] but as a scorpion, i try to survive against all opposition [competitive?] and i desire to triumph ?!?!?

see. now i know why sometimes i feel like i can move to the rural english countryside and milk cows for the rest of my life. and sometimes i feel like i have to be in new york, manhattan, ruling the world.

and then, as a Libran, "Librans can switch off from the world around them [yeah, ask my sis. she always says i should move to an island and live alone]. many Librans manage to conjure up a most independent life. They can escape into obscure role playing - and often this makes them extremely successful business people. When it comes to romance and love, Librans can be difficult to fathom"

and then, as a Scorpion, "Scorpios lead fate filled lives and have intense and dramatic personal relationships [yeah, sure?]. Even as children Scorpios are often found to be wise beyond their years [as i said, i'm ancient]. Passion, desire and power go hand in hand for Scorpios. Their biggest challenge and test in life is choosing between the power of love and the love of power [i thought as a Libran, i live a contented life?]. Coming to grips with their extraordinary emotional depths and sensitivity isn't easy for those around them [again yeah. i know my family wants to kill me 360 days of the year]. They are different from all other zodiac signs and this difference has them walking, working and loving to a different beat. Others can often live with a Scorpio partner for years, but not really know them. Much to do with a Scorpio remains a secret. [true, true, true] Their eyes often blaze with feelings that words never express, and beware on the days or nights they hide their feelings behind dark glasses, there is likely to be a storm of some kind brewing."

ok, too much. i'm tuning out. not the bible to me anyway, but sure shows why i contradict myself all the time.

haha.

ok, got more work suddenly.

decide

in between
neither here, nor there
somewhere someplace

i need to make up my mind soon

like, really really soon.

or perhaps, i should say, my mind's made up

i need to act on it soon

like, really really soon

can i have more time? can i have more time .....

v day mortification

i'm so .... 'failed'.

when i like something, or when i believe in something, i go all out for it. and i mean all out. nothing stands in my way, nothing is impossible.

thus, i was so caught up with work for the Prof that i actually asked this sweet, young, IT guy of ours to meet me tomorrow eve to discuss some final details of the task i gave him. i contracted him [ken] and his girlfriend [elvie] to design some stuff for us. and to me, i work all the time; sat/sun/dawn/midnight, there's no 'unavailable' time in my calendar.

ken and elvie are really sweet. always delivering. always accepting my .... ermm ... demands and offering great suggestions to what we already have.

BUT i forgot tomorrow is V Day. i've been single for so long that to me, V day is just another day. but how could i have forgotten to the point of asking this young couple to meet me for work when they should be out celebrating their love??

yikes.

i'm mortified

fake alarm

last night as i was drifting off to sleep, the wail of a siren blasted me awake.

groggily i wondered what it was and my brain told me that it was probably the security alarm of the house behind. annoyed, i turned around in bed, waiting and willing it to stop. after ... 5 - 10 mins of wailing, it stopped and i thanked god for it.

as i was about to fall back into dreamland, it started again. and i wondered, what's the point of the security alarm. i mean, we are so immune (??) and insensitive nowadays that even though we hear it, we wait for it to go off. and i wondered, what if it was really someone in need of help? what if it was really a burglary taking place? we got so used to 'fake' sirens and calls that we do nothing about it despite the reason for the alarm in the first place.

it's not that i'm callous. it's not that i'm apathetic. but what was i supposed to do?

call the cops and then what? i did that once. nothing happened. no cops came.

so ....?

tell me did you see

sometimes, i'm exhilarated. elated and buoyed by an unshakeable sense of purpose, passion and enthusiasm, i run, i soar, i twirl and whirl.

at times, i'm just morose. dejected and overwhelmed by the monotony of work, i wonder what it's all for.

most times, i'm just plain me. working the road. working out life. working, forever working in my mind.

hey you, down the road,

Why are you here?

What did you learn?

What did you see?

hey you, down the road,

Is it going to be different for me?

It it going to be worthwhile for me?

hey you, down the road,

did you see where I turned off?

did you see where I went?

tell me did you see.

tell me did you see where I went?

don't wake me

morning is here. dawn nudges. the sky painted pink; don't wake me

the birds sing, they call, they dance, they invite; don't wake me

golden rays light the day. touches the leaves, gently it warms; don't wake me

don't wake me if you're not going to be here

don't wake me if yours is not the face i'll see

don't wake me if yours is not the voice i'll hear

don't wake me if yours is not the touch i'll feel

don't wake me, just don't wake me if you're not going to be around

what have i done???

oh my god. it suddenly hit me. oh god. i'm nearly afraid to even write it down.

i am going to be 28 in two years!!!?!?! yeah. two years later. 28????

28 equals nearer to 30. equals to .... oh. my. god.

i haven't changed the world!

i haven't even fallen in love.

i haven't ... anything.

i'm in a total dismay now. what have i done?

god. ok. breathe. think. surely i've achieved notable and worthy ... deeds (??!)

something at least??

let me think.

i have experienced working in orphanages. old folks' home. womens' shelter.

i have taught, children and young people. and hopefully, given a part of me to them. something that they can have to help them in the world.

i have seen various continents.

i have ... made my points and stand firm on what truly matters to me.

i have ... been there for my family when it matters ....

i have ... been there for my friends when it matters ....

i have loved ... lost ... believed .... hoped ....

and i guess, i haven't destroyed myself in the process.

sigh.

well i guess, yeah. while, i may not have settled down as many of my friends have. while i may not have the tidy home and 2.5 kids like my friends do. and while i may not be the lawyer i thought i'd be [not what i want now], the ambassador i dreamed i'd be [i realized i'm too idealistic for it], or the world changer i still want to be, i'm still all right.

for now.

change again

i'm thinking [and that's not good] haha. well, not 'not good' but when i think, it's also when i start to formulate ideas. vague dreams become steps and concrete plans. random thoughts become things i wanna do. and more often than not, i go on impulse.

but this time anyway, i'm thinking, but i'm not thinking of anything specific.

yes, i'm being random again.

there are so many things on my plate right now, so different, so ..... all over the place, i can only stare at them. grouped together, they are mind-boggling. separated, they pull me towards totally differing directions. but that's not altogether bad i guess.

was talking to a friend and he was remarking how i seem to always be moving about. and you know what, that seems to be my life path.

i've always wanted to bring change. and it turns out that change is a very big part of my life. careers. locations. circles ....

of course, change is the one constant thing in everyone's life but much more so in my life. i guess it's because i've always accepted that change is inevitable so i embrace it. most of the time, people fear the unknown. resisting change is common. and people rather stay in a comfort zone than venture into unfamiliar territory. for me, since i know change is part of my 'destiny', i go all out and jump right into it. sometimes i land. sometimes i flop. sometimes, i just go ... whatever. nothing lost, so let's try.

scared? yes of course. but it's going to come anyway, so ... just go for it.

sometimes it's unsettling. you learn something. you think you're getting the hang of it, and boom, you've got to unlearn and do something new again.

anyway, just a random rambling post about changes in my life.

linger

did you know that when your heart beats, it reminds you you're alive
but did you know that when my heart beats, it reminds me you're not with me

did you know that when you look up at the skies and see the stars, you see the galaxy
but did you know that when i look up at the skies and see the stars, i see the fading mist

i hear of untold dreams

i dream of unborn wishes

i wish of unwritten desires

did you know that when you breathe in, you savour the gift of life
but did you know that when i breathe in, i breathe in unspoken pain

did you know that when water runs, you delight in its sensation; cool it is, to your touch
but did you know that when water runs, i feel it mingle with tears unshed

a journey unfolds

a path not trod

choices made, decisions set in stone

gazing at you

i linger in between worlds

a world of maybes, a world of perhaps

a world of ever after

a world of smoke and mirrors

did you know, oh, did you know.



p.s. fiction, fiction and fiction.

the chase

running day and night

you across my mind

cliched it may be, if only you would cease

running day and night

i wandered after you

ever after, a never ending chase

stretching out my hands

a wishful dream i grasp

floating away

the chase remains

all that's left behind

i gather the letters you left

bangkok and beyond

on traveling alone

as i board the shuttle that would take me across the terminal to the departure lounge at the KLIA [kuala lumpur international airport], i am struck by a sense of deja vu.

last year this time, i was flying around the UK and spent considerable time waiting at airports, bus terminals, transit and departure lounges. somehow, here i am again -traveling on my own. and i thought i was done with it.

no doubt, this time, it is for work, and maybe, 70% pleasure. but it's still the same - traveling alone.

while it may seem glamourous to many, the fact that i fly around, i get to travel, and i get to just up and go; it is also a vastly lonely life.

last year, i was telling my friend that, yes, six months of traveling is fun, but six months of traveling alone is not as fun as it looks.

to and fro i go. while i may get to meet the unexpected friend along the way, there is also a sense of over-independence and solitude.

a quiet that is always with you.

a feeling that at the end of the day, when you close the door to your room, you're with yourself again.

bangkok

epic battle

finally finally managed to catch Battle of Red Cliffs, [Red Cliff 2], the chinese epic film i have been waiting since last year. and i loved loved loved it.

it was kinda long. i felt tired sitting for so long but i just love chinese war movies. i love war movies, period. i actually shed tears at war movies. maybe i'm a sadist. haha. nope. i'm just awed by the brilliance of the strategists. the plannings. the warriors. the bravery and heroic acts of these guys who believe in something enough that they die for it.

as i was watching the movie, something struck at the chord of my heart.

in the film, a 'new' weapon was designed. it could launch arrows continuously. it was marvelous, deadly and ahead of its time. but i realized that only a select group of people were chosen to use these top-of-the-line weapons. those who used them, were guys who were at the frontline of the attack. the same guys actually had to pass through several stages of tests and attacks before they got close enough to actually launch their weapons and defeat the enemy.

and i was thinking, He has great and mighty gifts for us all. He also has great and mighty purposes for us all. but for us to be able to actually use or even be given these gifts, we actually have to endure the ardous and often, nerve-breaking tests. there are wars to fight and victories to conquer before we are able to actually 'launch the arrow'.

and i wondered, yes. i may see the weapon. and yes, i may want it. it's brand-new. powerful. exciting. and everything i ever dream of. but to get to a place where i actually am able to 'use' it is a different matter.

you know, staying on course is actually way harder than launching the arrow.

fighting the fight is not really what comes at the end. it's the charge towards it.

NEW year indeed

it's the second day of the chinese lunar new year and it has been 3 dreadful days .... *sniff*. i wish it wasn't so. i wish i didn't have to say that such a beautiful and traditional celebration was dreadful but it was.

on the eve of the eve of the lunar new year [yes the night before the eve], i began to feel slightly nauseous. i was lying on my friend's couch and just listening to him talk but i felt like throwing up. i had a sick dread that i was coming down with food poisoning. i know the symptoms. it's horrible. that flash of pain in your stomache that comes and goes every few minutes. horrible.

anyway, the next morning, the eve of the lunar new year, i threw up 3 times and it wasn't even nine in the morning. i crawled into bed and between flashes of gut-wrenching pain, i was feverish and having the worst kind of headache. the abominable pain continued ALL DAY. the traditional reunion dinner was a no-go. i tried to be present but sitting there and listening to the noise around me and having to deal with the aromas of the food just made it worse. i slept in the car while the family finished 'reunion' dinner.

the first day of the lunar new year, i started to feel better towards the evening. the pain in my stomache was gone and my headache was subsiding. feeling slightly better, i decided to go get a few books around 8 in the evening as i knew i would be in bed for quite a few days.

the 'gods' must have been having fun with my misery. at 9pm, when trying to leave the darkening mall, the car wouldn't start. i tried and tried, to no avail. the car battery had died. i didn't know whether to scream, shout or cry. i was beginning to break into a cold sweat, feeling sick-ish and i couldn't go anywhere, stranded in the mall.

today, the second day of the lunar new year .... here i am. the scent of food still makes me nauseous. don't even mention the word food to me.

i must be having the greatest start of the lunar new year of all.






Happy Chinese New Year

bring me chamomile, sage and thyme
rosemary, lavender, parsley true
forever and ever twill really be
my heart to you, a lasting gift

grace in the grace

* random

wham! there it was. there it always was, that immediate, staggering lift of the heart....

so simple. so miraculous.

and that. that is what i'll hold out for.

picture taken on the night i wandered out and got lost in the floating petals

don't box me in

there are about 16 of us in my company. not 16 writers. but 16 people. not much i know, but we are actually a 'large' organization. between the 16 of us, we run three different companies and a thousand other projects. anyway, despite the small number of people in the company, i actually love working for a 'small' organization. i really do.

in the last two months, dad has been in and out of the hospital. unlike my brother and sister who work for MNCs, i've actually had the time to go to and from the hospital with them. my bosses have all been extremely understanding, allowing me to leave early when necessary, take leave in cases of emergencies and generally just have been really ... liberal. i do too, have a set amount of hours i have to work in a day. a set time where i have to be in the office and just the same workload but i think, it's been a real blessing that i had the understanding and support of my bosses.

being me, if i couldn't dash to the hospital in between breaks or leave early and take emergency days off, i wouldn't have been very productive at work. yes, i might have still gotten my work done, but i would have been restless, fidgety and just downright gloomy-looking.

if i were in my sis's or brother's condition, where there is absolutely no such freedom, i would have died or quit my job. i mean ... oh man, i can't. i can't just go to work when i know someone i love is in the hospital. especially when i know my parents aren't really able to communicate properly with the non-chinese attendants and docs. i can't sit around when i know there's something more pressing happening in the life of people who matter. i am a need-to-know kinda person. i need to know the progress; what happens; what will; what might and everything in between.

yes, i worked in an international organization too and i totally understand the need for such structures and rules in place. the 'iron reigns'. there would be utter chaos without it. abuse would definitely ensue. but it's just very sad that the world is at a point where there is no intergrity. no trust. and no ... compromise. because i really think that, sometimes, really, sometimes ... we have to remember that work is just that - work.

life is not about work. we don't live just to work. yes it's important. it's challenging. it's part of life. but if what we do is not what we want to do. if what we do does not in any way make us better, or make the people around us better, why do we do what we do? what is the point and really, why?

big picture. life.

life. is life.

and so He will

i haven't been around ... and i wish it was because i'm having an amazing-whirlwind social life. but no. it was back to the hospital. in and out. and ... lots of sitting around. lots of deep breathing. lots of waiting.

anyway, part I of the operation is done. and successfully so. now it's on to the tougher part, which no, i will not mention because i'm trying not to think about it now.

but you know what? He works in mysterious ways. throughout the ordeal, i never allowed myself to question Him. i mean, what for? it's a fact and there's no point asking why. i rather deal with it and face what i can change instead. so yes, i never berated Him or yelled at the injustice and difficulty of the journey but of course, i wish things were simpler. i wish things were easier.

in time, i've come to befriend the professors and doctors who worked on dad. not all, but those who really mattered and play a big part in dad's operation and monitoring of his condition. they go way beyond the call of duty. they have been personally caring, attentive and never once lost their patience with me, despite my endless questions and interrogations. in fact, one of them actually did an extremely noble and generous thing today.

and so here i'm thinking, while i may not see the future and i can not even imagine what tomorrow will be like, i guess i can and i should, trust that when it comes to things that count, HE surely WILL.NOT.fail.me.

even if i wonder. even if i worry. and even if i doubt and run away in denial, HE can't go back on His words. He said He will take care of me. and so He will.

15012009

on the way back from work yesterday, i called sis, thinking to go to dinner with her. i knew mum and dad would already have eaten, it was already 7 plus by then and they usually eat around 5+/6.

anyway, i called sis and i didn't even realize, until she pointed out, that it was thursday already. she's not free on thurdays. i can't believe how the days fly by. again, the weekend is here. i mean, i love weekends but really ... time is zooming by at an astonishing speed.

but well, since sis wasn't free, i didn't feel up to driving around and went home. i wanted to wash my hair and found out that there is NO shampoo. mum usually buys a few large bottles and keep them at home. but they've been busy with the hospital and stuff and i've been so busy with work, i didn't realize there was 'no stock' left.

it was already around 8 by then and yes, the malls are open. but i haven't had dinner and i really didn't feel up to driving out all the way just to get into a mall, get parking, get to the shop and then get into a lonnnnng queue for a bottle of shampoo. thank god for travel sized packs i keep at home.

and i was thinking, how do working mums do it?? where do they find the time and energy, i really don't know.

speak softly to me

my boss speaks really softly. really really softly. he's one of those nice, intelligent and soft-spoken guys. he probably never loses his temper.

anyway, my point is, he speaks sooo softly that every single person in the office never gets what he says, not the entire sentence anyway. we ALWAYS guess what he's saying. everyone of us usually only manages to catch two words out of his sentences and we have to then guess and figure out what the whole sentence is.

it's not that we don't ask him to repeat or like me, i keep saying "sorry?" ... "sorry??" that we end up looking pretty silly or deaf.

it's funny really. i'll go down and talk to one of the marketing guys, and he'll be like, "i'll send him an email". i'll ask, "why not just go ask him? he's upstairs..." and he'll go, "nope. i won't know what his reply is anyway..." hehe. it's funny.

the layout in the office is such that, i actually sit beside my boss, separated by a partition, and two other writers sit across the floor from us. when we THINK that our boss called one of us [we younger ones are always on our headphones with music blasting], we'll all look up and then STRAIN to hear what he's actually saying, or whom he's speaking to. usually, it's to me. but eventhough i sit BESIDE him, i've to actually stand up, lean over the partition and really really concentrate on his words.

such a rare, soft-spoken guy.

runaway girl

The Runaway Bunny is about a little bunny who tells his mother he has decided to run away.

"If you run away," says his mother, "I will run after you. For you are my little bunny." She goes on to tell him that if he becomes a fish in a trout stream, she will become a fisherman and fish for him. If he becomes a little boy, she will become a human mother and catch him in her arms and hug him. No matter what the little rabbit does, his doggedly persistent, ever-pursuing mother will not give up or go away.

"Shucks," says the bunny at last, "I might as well stay where I am and be your little bunny." "Have a carrot," his mother then says.

the story reminds me of david's words, "Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence? If I ascend into heaven, You are there; if I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there. If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there Your hand shall lead me, and Your right hand shall hold me."

HE is, and will be, relentless in His love for us — ever-pursuing, ever-present, and ever-guiding

So ....

no matter where I go ... He'll come.

He will.