i'm not You yet ....

was talking to a friend yesterday and he was saying how i should give this group of people another chance ... try again and just ... not write them off.

it's not that i didn't try. you see, i believe very strongly in love. love someone despite of ... love someone because ... love someone even though .... and all that angelic stuff. corinthians 13 i know. galatians 5? yes i remember. so i try. over and over, i put myself out there and try never to let things affect me too personally. of course things do affect me. i'm human. and i'm emotional. but i usually get over it and reason that humans are faulty. but despite everything, humans are good.

some say i'm naive. but hey, let's give everyone a chance ok?

BUT then you see, despite all my very rational justifications, i do still get tired.

when you give and give and give, you tend to feel drained.

with family, there rarely is any other choice. they are family. so no matter how much you [or i] want to strangle/kill/just shake their heads off, i eventually have to calm down and accept that no one is alike and therefore i can't expect everyone to react and respond the way i do.

but with non family, here's the question. how much is too much?

do i really have to give till my blood runs dry? when do i say enough is enough?

why can't i give up?

ouch. ok. HE says that He loved. and despite everything we did, do and will do, He still loves us. He gave us chances again and again. we screw up. we turn away. we do unspeakable and illogical things but we are still allowed to go back when we really do.

so .... sigh. yes yes i know. i'm trying here. i'm just not You yet.