decisions today and tomorrow

from the time i started making my own decisions, i've always made them based on this - does it go against my conscience?

of course, i've made wrong decisions. i've cringed at the mess some created. some i celebrated, some i wept over. but nevertheless, my decisions have always been something i try to live with. or i should specify - principles i live by.

someone asked why i did not go for the more glamourous jobs i was offered. when i came back last year, i was offered a position at an international (uk-based) Uni. was also offered a position with a HK-based airline but i turned both down. why? simply because i wanted to go for passion. true, while being a writer may not earn me as much money; being a writer may not bring me as much recognition, writing is what i want to do. so despite the lure of 'better' offers, i opted for passion.

someone asked why i never chose the easy road and stayed in a relationship i knew was going nowhere. true, it was easy. it was comfortable. but we both knew it would have been dead in the long run. two completely different halves do not make one. yes, opposites attract. and yes, we are supposed to enhance and enrich one another in a relationship, but when both are headed towards different directions, the only possible result is a split right down the middle. so i opted for a new beginning.

someone asked why i did not stay in the uk. supposedly more glamorous. supposedly a chic and much-clamoured-for lifestyle. i chose family. to have come back and to be here for people who mean the world to me means much more than anything else. perhaps me being here makes no difference to them, as in, their lives go on, so does mine. but being here, makes a difference to me. because i know i chose them.

someone asked why now i'm leaving this job again. a job that looks totally enviable and opt for something uncertain, something without stability. while there may not be a net to catch me if i fall. while i won't again see my name in print, and while i may not even see the stepping stone to come, again, i chose with my heart. knowing my time has come to an end. knowing my purpose is to move on, i chose.

so yes, time and again, my decision has baffled many. perplexed my parents and brought upon countless explanations, i know that when asked, i'll choose exactly again.