history despite ....

i'm once again engrossed in reading a totally different story of the last dowager empress of China. from young, i've been drawn to her life and the history of china. i love history; the history of every nation, culture and people, especially people who have made significant changes. but empress Ci xi has always attracted me. possibly because she was the last empress. or maybe because she was a notable female figure. either way, all the books about her that i've read before always portrayed how power-mad, cruel and manipulating she is. the one i'm reading right now is totally different. it tells her story. and in it, it shares her loneliness, her desire for good and most of all, her grief. we never really think about it but as i read, i imagine.

i imagine. it must not have been easy for a young woman to be practically enslaved within four walls, alone most of the time, without the love of her life and no hope of ever being in love and loved in return. to have to worry and shoulder the responsibility of ruling and maintaining one of the largest empires of that time. to be judged all the time. ridiculed and plotted against. and she had no friends at all. what a nightmare. i mean, i worked in the modern day corporate world and ran a place of .... 800 members and a sizeable staff - that was tough! i breathed and lived worrying about everything constantly; every action, every word, consequences, perceptions of others.... imagine ruling a nation. and all alone at that. who could have really felt what she felt? and who could really say whether she had it in her to do good or not.

and you know, as i read, i also wondered. how different is it today?

Maya Angelou said, "History, despite its wrenching pain, cannot be unlived, but if faced with courage, need not be lived again"

does our generation have that courage?