press start and go

at times, i feel like giving up. caving in to the darkness around, i imagine myself shoving everything to the ground. to hell with it all, i don't want to care. i don't want to feel. i give up - do you care?

to me, the glass is always half full. knowing His word, i know very well His promises and having experienced Him, i never doubted His existence. i know He is real. i know He never lies. so despite what i feel, despite what happens, i persistently cling to what He said.

from the very beginning, i was taught to not look at 'the world'. i was schooled to not let circumstances and life dictate what i feel. so personally, i always chose to believe. i always chose to hope. i always chose to stand on His word.

they say i'm always cheerful. they say i never seem to have problems or stress. yes. not because i'm deluded, not because i really do not have any worries.

rather, i know to set my mind on things above.

still, at times, i'm tempted to yell. i'm tempted to lash out and ask, where is the justice of it all? where is the logic of it all? and most importantly, where is the purpose of it all.

anyway, i'm rambling.

as the clock strikes twelve, another day dawns.

another moment has passed.

and again i tell myself, His Word endures.

so yes, let's start again.

yes and yes

yes i like to push the lines.

yes i like to traverse the boudaries of what should be.

yes i like to challenge societal expectations.

but yes, He is also the foundation and centre of it all.

selah

if life had a 'recycle bin', i'm clicking delete on the mess that is my mind.

rummaging through dust-covered boxes and long-forgotten drawers, i searched, in vain for a trace of it.

switching everything off i listened, in the desperate attempt to capture the barest of the whisper that existed only in my memory.

closing my eyes, i wished, and conjured, glimpses of fleeting shadows.

i wait.

selah.

i wait.

a muse - i'll always be

i'm a muse. or maybe i'm just plain deluded.

oh but wait. isn't creativity from aBoVe?

i like pushing boundaries. not His boundaries. but the boundaries created by man. the boundaries created by society.

i like challenging the norm. i like questioning 'tradition'.

if He believes in me. why can't you?

why must men limit themselves so?

why did we come up with so many rules, regulations, 'tradition', 'practice' and the ever famous this-is-the-way-things-are-done?

why did we give up creativity?

why did we give up the beauty of discovey?

why did we abandon the pursuit of purity and simplicity?

isn't creativity from above?

isn't He the ultimate Creator?

so why have we stopped believing in the beauty around and why have we let go of the joy of just 'being'?

why did we let the destroyer of dreams win?

what is the law really for???

was slightly disturbed by a conversation i had with a friend yesterday.

he mentioned that a few weeks ago, a local young man was caught planting@trying to grow 5 sprouts of weed and was caught doing so [in his own house!!!]. he has now been sentenced to death. and yes, the death sentence still applies in malaysia.

i have never tried weed. never have, never want to and never will. but i've done studies on it and also asked relevant academia about it and everyone of them stated that scientifically, it is not as negative as it has been put out to be. in fact, it is used as a form of medication regularly.

anyway, i'm not here to advocate the use of it but i think that sometimes, there should be logic and pure, basic human reasoning or even, a dash of humanity when it comes to determining the life and death of a person.

in the first place, who are we to say who dies and who lives?

ok. yes, certain crimes are really heinous and maybe, maybe, unforgivable. serials rapists. genocidal crime. murder. things like that. but when it comes to a young person of just 24?? should we be so quick to rule his death?

he was caught not trafficking drug. not peddling drugs. he was caught in his own house. with sprouts of plants!!! and he's only 24. if the point of the sentence was to correct and educate, why not just a life sentence? was it serious enough to warrant a death of someone who has not even truly experienced life?

what about paedophiles? fathers who rape and torture their children? why aren't they sentenced to death? why is a young man, who - yes i agree, was probably not a good example, but was he really doing anybody any harm? true, some may reason that his act may lead to the spread of 'harmful drugs' [which i don't agree is in the first place] but then, isn't the law there to protect, guide and direct?

why was it a death sentence?

goodbye pink. hello black.

very funny.

i went to the mall to get lunch and ended up buying a phone.

this is how it all began.

i woke up this morning, lazily, rolling in bed, i wondered why my alarm hasn't sounded. seemed like i've slept for a long while. but i did set my alarm for 9am and well, since it hasn't gone off, surely i'm early. but i felt ... uncomfortable. so i reached for my phone and glanced at the time. and got the shock of my life.

it was 10.45am. i had a meeting at 11am. in PJ! [me in cheras]

i practically bolted up and out. rushed into the bathroom. slammed everything. and basically, crammed my usual 45mins routine into a 15 minutes thing.

my phone had 4 missed calls and 6 messages.

it did not ring. it did not vibrate. it did not even beep. not a squeak at all.

this is the second time it has happened. it is NOT on silent mode yet, as and when it likes, it just decides to be quiet.

ok. my life is kinda ... fast-paced. i'm always in contact with people. i'm almost always online and i just can't be out of contact.

sigh. anyway, that's why it had to go.

i loved it. it was pink. but it decided to rebel.

so it had to go.

sorry pink baby. black is in now.