fall

soon, i will go. because i will have to. but for now. let's fall.

i want the world

you know what i really want to do?
i really want to get lost
i really want to eat, and taste, everything and nothing
i really want to sing, songs without lyrics
i really want to write, nothing on a page - page after page
i really want to just sit and feel the wind even when there's none
i really want the world.
i really want the world.

hope

hope can see you through the darkest night, true.

but i've also learnt that hope can sometimes be deliriously demented delusions

why did you

believED

i believed.
should i have?

fields of shadow

there are no shadows in my heart .... really?

it has been a horrible day. physically. mentally. emotionally. am amazed at the amount of things i have to write, and end up writing sometimes. wonder where they come from. the research and reading suck nearly every last ounce of concentration, the writing ... might just be out of rote. you know what? goodbye.

the difference

someone asked, "what difference would it make?"

everything.

everything.

waiting

i dreamt i took a picture of you

so clear, so vivid, i thought you were here

but then i searched

and then i found

here you are not

yet here i am

waiting

always waiting

remember me not

right now, memories are not so fun. a certain song, a place of once upon a time. a certain movie, a place of lazy afternoons.

and worst of all? you do not even know.

the one

the star third to your right

that is the one

once again

the breeze will come. the clouds will dance. and once again,

my heart will sing

it is ok

a flash of lightning streaked across the sky. in your world, i have been reduced to nothingness. a girl you once knew. a hand you once held. or perhaps i underestimated you. perhaps you suffer in your little world too. but here in my heart, your every thought. your name alone, brings a stab in places i can never reach. but it's ok. because they say that a broken heart makes for a better writer. it's ok. because whether you come back or not, the sun will shine yet again. the birds, they'll sing to me. the stars, they'll wink at me. so it's ok. it really is - ok.

no matter how great the grief
no matter how unspeakable the sorrow
come dawn, we wake
come dawn, we go on living

Coraline

Coraline makes me want to cry
Because you gave me Coraline

The Blueberry Girl

Ladies of Darkness, and Ladies of Never-You-Mind,
this is a prayer for a Blueberry Girl.

First, May you ladies be kind.
Keep her from spindles and sleeps at sixteen;
Let her stay waking and wise.
Nightmares at three, or bad husbands at thirty;
These will not trouble her eyes.

Dull days at forty, false friends at fifteen;
Let her have bright days and true.
Let her go places that we've never been;
Trust and delight in her youth.

Ladies of Grace, and Ladies of Favour,
and Ladies of Merciful Night,
this is a prayer for a Blueberry Girl,
Grant her your clearness of sight.

Worlds can be worrisome, people complex;

Motives and manners unclear.
Grant her the wisdom to choose her path right,
Free from unkindness and fear.

Let her tell stories, and dance in the rain,
Somersault, tumble, and run;
Her joys must be high as her sorrows are deep,
Let her grow like the weed in the sun.

Ladies of Paradox, Ladies of Measure,
Ladies of Shadows-That-Fall;
this is a prayer for a Blueberry Girl,
Words written clear on the wall.

Help her to help herself, help her to stand,
Help her to lose, and to find.
Teach her we're only as big as our dreams,
tell her that fortune is blind.

Truth is a thing she must find for herself,
precious, and rare as a pearl;
Give her all these, and a little bit more,
give this for a Blueberry Girl.


- Neil Gaiman -

now i know it's true

now i know it's true

nothing makes sense at all

words become letters on a page

songs drift in and out, rising, falling

lyrics and music yet nothing at all

now i know it's true

this is how emptiness feels

this is what emptiness means

oh god.

oh.god.

a butterfly was always meant to fly

i tried to hold the wind
it was never meant to be

i tried to keep a star
there never was one to begin with

i breathed in deep
so i'd never forget
i wrote you on my heart
so i'd always have

did you not know the times i sat and watched

did you not know the times i stayed and listened

i'm letting you go

for a butterfly was always meant to fly

you said you'd return
to wait for you

but didn't you know?

didn't you know?

a butterfly was always meant to fly